One Word
by Roxie Zephyr Jocelyn
Summary: Pairing: Athrun x Cagalli. Can the complexity of a character truly be summed up in a single word? A word game takes a surprising twist as Cagalli contemplates a love that did not die even when she had given up and let go...


A/N: This fic is actually a tribute to three of the Gundam Seed couples that have fascinated me from the beginning of my Seed obsession to this very day: Miriallia Haw x Dearka Elsman, Lacus Clyne x Kira Yamato and Cagalli Yula Atha x Athrun Zala. As usual, the lovely characters of Gundam Seed and Gundam Seed Destiny do not belong to me but to their esteemed creator. With that, ENJOY!

One Word

Cagalli Yula Atha watched him discreetly, admired him from afar, as he leaned casually against a pillar laughing with his friends. No matter how much she stared, she just couldn't help but gawk at the elegant image that her boyfriend cut. As her thoughts turned entirely to him, she was completely unaware of how a sweet smile tugged at her lips, completely oblivious to how the old politician talking to her had taken in her radiant expression and bowed out silently, his own features painted in a smile of joy at his princess' contentment. It had been a ball organized in the aftermath of a devastating war, one that was to celebrate the successful stabilizing of peace across the nations. In a joyous occasion of such euphoric triumph, the politician had been disheartened at the stressful pinched look that crinkled at the polite mask Cagalli had worn. The princess had never loved formal occasions and this was certainly no exception. Tensed in her own home, alienated in her own nation, that was how she looked until her gaze had fallen on a single young man whom she loved. That glow that seemed to radiate from within her, crowning her in a halo, had been fueled by that very young man; the single only reason the politician had supported his princess wholeheartedly in her endeavour to recapture her precious relationship. The young man had single-handedly relit the spark that had been dimmed during the war, that unique spark which proclaimed to all other nations of Cagalli's true identity – the jewel of Orb. And, that young man was none other than Athrun Zala.

Sipping at her wine, Cagalli allowed her thoughts to wander as she contemplated how far they had both come – she and the young man who had claimed her heart. When the ashes of a burnt world had settled, Cagalli had thrown her heart and soul into ruling Orb, no longer hesitant to make her thoughts known, no longer afraid to take the reigns in ruling her nation. With Mana looking after her, Kisaka looking over her affairs and Kira Yamato simply sticking his nose into her business, she had grown from a weak indecisive girl into a young woman, confident in her abilities to lead her country into the new future that had been built from the foundations of destruction wrought by war. She had once been swept away by the tide of political pressure, overwhelmed by her insecurity and need for assurance. Now, she knew better, believing in herself, trusting in her family and friends, and working closely with her people in rebuilding her nation. Where she had once been forced to accept her responsibilities, she now embraced it wholeheartedly, in honesty and sincerity. The Princess of Orb was no longer merely her title. She was the Princess of Orb.

And, the princess needed a prince.

This ultimately turned her thoughts back to a certain green-eyed blue-haired Coordinator. The realization dawned on her then, on how her musings would never stray far from him. He was to her, her Prince Charming, as sappy as that sounded. Cagalli snorted in amusement, though very quietly hiding the inelegant gesture behind her wine glass, wary of how the ever attentive Kisaka would descend on her with his tedious lecture on etiquette. It occurred to her that no matter how much time had passed, no matter how much older she had grown, her answer had and always would be the same though that answer had been entirely inappropriate when someone had once asked her to describe her boyfriend in one word. After her very gruff and very reluctant answer, she had dismissed that conversation from her mind with an embarrassed stomp out of the room. But, watching him now reminded her of it, bringing it to the forefront of her wandering thoughts. And, wonder she did. How would she describe Athrun Zala? What would be the best word to sum up his complex personality, his exotic physicality?

He wasn't cute – a giggled suggestion from her friend. It was a trendy word these days used to describe good-looking boys. But, Athrun wasn't cute. Cagalli wrinkled her nose at the thought. Cute, to her, was Kira, her brother, with his short, messy, wind-blown brown hair, little button nose, heart-shaped face and compact frame. He was, she had to admit, the epitome of cuteness. Which was why, she supposed, Lacus found him so endearing. A giggle escaped her as her thoughts strolled down memory lane. In a moment of surprising confessions, Lacus had admitted to Cagalli that she had initially fallen for Kira, not for his strength of character or his gentle but firm nature, but for his cuteness. Cagalli had kept that little tidbit away in a small corner of her mind, aware of what amazing blackmail material that would make to blow a hole in Kira's manly pride. However, even Cagalli had to admit that Kira was cute. Anyone could have a core of strength within them but only Kira would so endearingly melt his core to form an overprotective shield around those he loved. Anyone could be gentle and firm but only Kira could pull off the stunning deadliness peeking out from behind his adorably large eyes and inspire people to follow his lead, opening their eyes to his refreshing wisdom born of hope and innocence.

Elegant Lacus Clyne and cute Kira Yamato – they balanced each other out beautifully. And sometimes, Cagalli would look upon the seemingly perfect couple in envy. Why couldn't her relationship with Athrun be like that? Where Lacus and Kira nearly always agreed with each other, she and Athrun bickered nearly every day. Where the relationship between the songstress and her brother was nearly always up with the occasional down, her relationship with Athrun was eerily similar to a rollercoaster ride, up and down, complete with loop-the-loops. Lacus and Kira shared related interests and were similar in many ways, their decisions most often never needing a compromise. Cagalli and Athrun were complete opposites, compromise a last resort for peace. But, in their separation, she had missed their daily bickering, their sheepish apologies as they met at the half-way point. True, they were not the most happy-ever-after couple out there, with their petty arguments and overblown fights that could last for days of silent treatment, though admittedly it was nearly always Cagalli's fault that they lasted longer than they should have, but Cagalli would have it no other way. Their times of conflict only served to enhance the sweetness of little moments when they would be bonded in complete understanding of one another. In compromising with each other, tolerating each others' quirks, their eyes would be opened to how well they complemented each other, balancing out each others' strengths and weaknesses.

And, unbelievable as it was, there was a rather large downside to Lacus and Kira's relationship, something that she and Athrun never had to face. Lacus and Kira hardly ever fought but though fights were few, they were serious. Cagalli remembered in vivid clarity how Lacus had once come knocking on her door, calm for a single moment before breaking down in tears. She and Kira had had a rare fight and in the heat of the moment, harsh words had been exchanged. Lacus had revealed to Cagalli how she had felt inadequate for Kira, sometimes feeling like the losing rival of a ghost called Flay Allster. Cagalli had been stunned. In all their fights, even their most serious ones, she had never felt that way about Athrun, always safe in the comforting knowledge that he appreciated her for who she was. And, that was the real reason that they fought so often, not because they were not meant to be, but merely because they did not believe in hiding who they truly were from each other. With every time that they made up, there had always been an acceptance for the differences in their personalities, their love strengthened by the knowledge that even their differences could not keep them apart.

Maybe their relationship was not a perfect fairytale, like Lacus and Kira's, but in Cagalli's eyes, it was the best she would ever have. And, that to her was even better than perfection.

Watching as Athrun laughed, tucking away a strand of stray blue hair, revealing to for a split moment dancing emerald eyes, Cagalli couldn't help but muse, her thoughts turning back to her word game. Could she call him handsome? Okay, at one point, Cagalli had thought that Athrun was handsome, incredibly so. But now, handsome, to her, described Dearka. She may not have liked the flirtatious playboy Coordinator at first but he had grown on her over the years and finally she could admit to herself that yes, she found him handsome. And, it occurred to her, who wouldn't? With well-sculptured tanned features, warm puppy dog brown eyes and thin lips, constantly tilted into a flirtatious smirk, he was the epitome of handsome. Also, coupled with his lanky but muscular and equally tanned frame, it was no wonder Miriallia had fallen for him even if the girl could not see it. And, that was why Cagalli found Dearka handsome. He had a handsome nature, generous in his affection for the girl he had proclaimed as the girl of his dreams. His determination in pursuing and courting her was attractive, especially considering that he had to compete with a love sealed in the eternity of death. Miriallia had been in love with Tolle, who had been killed by a soldier of ZAFT, the same military power that Dearka represented. For months, Miriallia had seen Dearka as nothing more than a ZAFT Red, a living breathing symbol of the enemy that had snatched her love cruelly from her. Even when that image had begun to fade in the face of friendship, she had always drawn a fine line between them, determined never to betray Tolle's memory by falling for one who represented all that had killed him. But, Dearka had never given up. He had persisted, always pummeling at the insurmountable wall, never caring if he came away bruised and bleeding, his heart shattered, his emotions battered. The blood of Tolle that had been on his hands by mere association had long been washed away by his own blood, shed in his own suffering as he attempted bravely to claim the heart of one he loved, the one who loved him in return.

At this, light laughter escaped Cagalli. Well, not that Miriallia would admit it, which was truly too bad. They fitted each other to the T. Miriallia was the kind of girl who would never lecture Dearka for flirting with other girls but would instead flirt with other boys to make the playboy Coordinator jealous. Unconscious effort or not, it never failed to bring Dearka right back to Miriallia's side, dogging her every step, trying to steal her attention back to him. And though they were not officially a couple, Cagalli had personally witnessed their interactions, simple security and familiarity in their treatment of each other. They were the most perfect unofficial couple out there, always seeming to know what to do in their intangible relationship. Miriallia would push Dearka away but when he was truly depressed, she would open up to him, expressing her affections and giving him hope. Most would consider this cold-hearted, simply leading the young man on, but Dearka always understood that Miriallia needed him and loved him. She just was not yet ready to accept it. Dearka would always push Miriallia's buttons, flirting with her, stealing unexpected hugs, planting surprising kisses and even ambushing her but he would always know when to leave her alone, giving her the distance she needed when she had the urge to deal with her own demons. Most would consider this cold-hearted, leaving the young girl to deal with her own problems, but Miriallia always understood that Dearka was there for her, that he loved her and he understood her need for independence.

The serious but shy Miriallia and the flirtatious but fervent Dearka – they were two of a kind. And sometimes, Cagalli would look upon the unofficial couple in envy. Why couldn't her official relationship with Athrun be like that? A Natural news photographer and a Coordiator military commander, both had been separated as a second war raged, driving a wedge between them because of their obligations, their loyalties. Yet, even the sharpest shards of the shattered peace couldn't fray the intangible yet indelible thread that bonded them. Cagalli knew that Miriallia and Dearka had never truly lost contact with each other even though they had never met face to face during the war. Bumping into the photographer and makeshift Archangel crew member, Cagalli had desperately questioned on how Miriallia could go out on to the battlefield, knowing that Dearka was on the other side. How could she face each day with her head high and stride forward unflinchingly when there was a very high possibility that she would never see Dearka again? And, that Dearka would probably die as her enemy? Miriallia had gazed at her with an expression so empty yet so full. 'Love is not a fantasy but one tiny slice of a harsh reality,' she had answered, 'I just have to accept it and move on. Clinging on to an empty dream will get me no where but accepting reality will always bring a better future.' Cagalli had not been able to fathom then, how powerful the emotion behind those words was, how despair intermingled with hope in underlying her abstract statement. The princess had merely watched in silence as her friend vanished into the darkness before dismissing the words from her distraught mind, filled with no thoughts but that of a broken bond and a wasted sacrifice.

Thinking back on that moment now, Cagalli finally understood, how that statement had answered none of her questions because she had been too blind to see, too deaf to hear. That statement, in its simplicity, had summed up all her problems and delivered the answer to her like a sharp smack on the cheek. She and Athrun had been living in a fantasy, building their relationship on a foundation as fickle as sand. When she had begun earnestly taking up her position as Representative of Orb and her life as princess, she had been filled with questions, doubts, insecurities, worms of complex negative emotions that riddled her entire perception on herself, her abilities and her life with holes. And, she had been in denial of these emotions, trying to hide from them in the blanket of security that Athrun provided her, with his warmth, with his gentleness. With Athrun, she could be simply Cagalli again, the young tomboy who had been forced to grow into a lady before she was truly content with her childhood. Athrun too had taken the same escape route she did, taking up the identity of Alex Dino, her shadowy unknown bodyguard, in the place of the notoriety the name of Zala had gained, seeking to leave his problems behind, fleeing from the demons of his past that would surely devour him and leave him a shadow of his former self. They had both pretended, living in a world that was merely a figment of their imagination, wrapped up in the security that their relationship provided.

But the harsh Mistress Reality would not overlook the two individuals who stubbornly refused her grasp. Their world began to crumble as more and more pressure took its toll on Cagalli, her burdens weighing heavier on her shoulders. Athrun, who had loved her with his entire being, sought to comfort her, dedicating his every waking moment to her needs as her comforter, protector, as the one person who could still keep the tiny spark of her childhood alive. He had become Cagalli's security net, the person she needed in her life even as she began losing herself to Orb, oblivious to how he had begun neglecting himself, how he had begun losing himself to their relationship. And though Athrun's true self had been dying, he had clung on to Cagalli, unwilling to let her go, to let her gamble and risk herself in the face of danger as she slowly slipped through his fingers in her obligations to Orb. He needed Cagalli, which blinded him to something he needed more – the freedom to be himself, to be Athrun Zala and not Alex Dino. But when his frustrations at his helplessness opened his eyes, he finally let go, making the decision to leave and rediscover who his was even as he helped defend his people. And, his decision had cracked their fragile comfort zone. Cagalli, who had taken Athrun for granted, who had lived on the assumption that he would always be there, had despaired at his decision. She had clung on to him, unwilling to let him go, to gamble on the risk that she would never see him again. When he had truly left her, rejoined ZAFT and become her enemy, she was left to flounder. She needed Athrun. She was nothing without him. Their fragile comfort zone had shattered. Reality had come between them. They had been naive.

Her eyes darkened at the memory, as a sliver of the chill that froze her from within began creeping down her spine. So intent was she at clearing her mind, shaking of the grips of darkness, a residue of her days in emotional turmoil, she never noticed a shadow loom over her, a welcome presence joining her.

'Should I be jealous of my girlfriend staring so intently at Dearka flexing his muscles that she doesn't even notice me?' a low husky voice breathed into her ear. Cagalli jumped and probably would've dropped her wine glass if it weren't for a gentle hand that held her, steadying her. Her heartbeat continued to dance as her sudden fright began to fade in the face of a low hum that warmed her up, chasing away the iciness that had nearly overwhelmed her. 'I wasn't staring that that stupid playboy,' she protested, turning around to eye a very amused Athrun, a blush staining her cheeks. He in turn merely chuckled, tapping her nose lightly. 'No?' he questioned, an eyebrow raised, 'Then, would gawking be a better word?' Her blush spread even further and Cagalli was sure that she looked unflatteringly like a tomato.

'ATHRUN!' A couple of people turn to stare as the Princess of Orb punched the media-proclaimed Prince of ZAFT lightly in the arm with the said prince merely laughing at his girlfriend. 'I was just kidding,' he whispered, pulling her into a firm but gentle embrace, 'my feisty little highness.' The endearment caused Cagalli to bury her face in his chest. He laughed. 'Will you stop that?' she demanded, her voice muffled and very embarrassed, 'People are staring.' Athrun looked down at her crown of gold hair. 'Since when did you care?' She looked up and pouted. Athrun sighed. That cute pout was worse than any lecture he could ever receive. It had a completely devastating effect on him, turning his insides to mush and reining him in like the good little boyfriend he was. He rolled his eyes. He was so completely wrapped around her little finger. Not that he would ever admit it. He inwardly groaned and melted. She had turn on her puppy dog eyes as well. 'Okay, I'll stop teasing,' he sighed in defeat. But then, a mischievous twinkle entered his eyes. 'I'll stop teasing only if you allow me to dance with you.' As numerous titters reached her ears, Cagalli was sure that her flush had reached even the tips of her toes. 'You never did know how to ask a girl,' she muttered, her gruff voice betrayed by the surprisingly tender way she laid her hand in his. Knowing his girlfriend inside out, Athrun merely smiled, a low chuckle escaping him as he led Cagalli out on to the dance floor.

As the melody embraced them, her own body cloaked in the protectiveness of her boyfriend's embrace, Cagalli's mind began to wander. In such a euphoric triumph, it was hard to believe that the bursting love that filled her was once nothing more than an empty void. When had that void in her began to fill and overflow, the shadows receding in the light that filled her life? Gazing into his brilliant emerald eyes, sparkling with a fire she realized that been missing, snuffed out in his time by her side as Alex Dino, the true blessing in disguise of their separation began to dawn on her. They had begun to heal when they had finally let go. Athrun had been dying, neglecting himself, even giving up his very name and identity for Cagalli. Cagalli had lost herself, her reliance on Athrun reducing her to nothing without him. They had been crippling each other in their stubbornness to cling on to a relationship built in a world of fantasy. But when they had finally relinquished their desperate holds on the bond between them, forced by circumstance to walk different paths, they had begun to rebuild themselves and regain the essence of their spirit which had been lost. It was only when Cagalli had found the nerve to give Athrun into Meyrin's care that she had learnt something new – Athrun was not her life and without him, she still had her life as Cagalli Yula Atha to lead. It had pained her, a deep crushing strike to her heart, but even as tears of anguish poured down her cheeks, an inner peace had overtaken her. She had become a stranger to herself, her darker fears and desires, but without the safety net that was Athrun to catch her, she was forced to confront her fears and rediscover herself. She was alone with nobody to rely on but herself and if she did not swim, she would sink. That had prompted her to temper the steel in her character, forging it into a core of strength that would become the cornerstone of herself and her nation.

Her core of strength may have been a little too unyielding. Cagalli sighed, in a mixture of exasperation at herself and contentment, as she laid her head against Athrun's chest. Feeling the Coordinator gently rest his chin in top of her head, Cagalli savoured the intimacy that came with familiarity, the completeness that came with closeness, something which had been denied to her for a very long time. Even as she began to rebuild herself, Athrun too had returned to PLANTs. Unhindered by obligations of torn loyalties, he had set out to right the wrongs that had tainted the name of Zala. No longer forced to hide in the shadows, he had begun to shine, explore his excellence, racing up the ranks to claim his spot as one of the elite – the Chairman of PLANTs. Along the way, he had learnt to treasure himself, to take into account his own needs even as he catered to the needs of others. The second war had earned him new loyalties, new allies and friends who declared their willingness to follow him to the death. Circumstance had placed him in a position of leadership and that had spurned him on to explore every nook and cranny in his personality. Paving his own path, he had rebuilt his own believes and passions, facing the fears of his past and shaking off the insecurities that had once dogged his every step. His friends believed in him and that had given him the confidence to believe in himself, to take on the responsibilities he had once shirked. Though he was not reckless, he was no longer chained by the terror that his every action would bring harsh repercussions. He had grown out of his father's shadow and chosen his own future. He had become the leader who protected his nation.

Eventually, it was Athrun who had made the first move. Three years of having little to no contact, Athrun had called Cagalli up, earnestly confessing that he still loved her. Cagalli had initially refused, a stubbornness born of a new strength, not because she no longer loved him but because she feared that they would fall into the same trap they once had, losing everything they had worked so hard to gain. He had tried to persuade her of his sincerity, convince her of the happiness that their relationship would bring to the both of them. Cagalli in turn had responded with heated protests, arguments. She would not give in, not as long as she knew what they both stand to lose. It was simply not worth it, this risky gamble that had once cost everything they had. But, Athrun persisted and finally tired of his determination, she had posed to him a single question – why did he want to be with her? She expected him to say that he needed her, that she was his life, that he could protect her, the same answers that had lead to their downfall.

'I love you and I want to be with you. Isn't that enough?'

I want to be with you. Words so simple said with such honesty, words that had struck Cagalli to the core. It had been his conscious choice. He had not been spurred on by desperate need, the way they had in the war, eventually leading to their complete reliance on each other, their crippling love that had filled them with fear of being by themselves, so much so that their love had been hindering their own personal growths. I want to be with you. They had both given up on their love but even in the face of harsh reality, it had not died. They had come into themselves, completely understood their own needs. They did not need each other but they wanted to be with each other. And that, to Cagalli made all the difference. She could live her life without him, calm and contented. But with him, life would be exciting, a rollercoaster ride and she would be filled with euphoric joy. She could survive without him, continue to grow steadily into her own. But with him, her mere survival would become bliss, her growth exceeding her own expectations in leaps and bounds. Their relationship built in a world of fantasy upon a foundation of sand had fallen but from the shattered shards, they had begun to build a bond that could withstand the harsh punches of reality, a bond with a core of the strongest metal tempered by the flames of time.

Just as Miriallia had let go and later been reunited, Cagalli too had finally let go and now she reaped the rewards. They were no longer stifling each other, they were helping each other grow. And in doing so, they had discovered that their love could not destroy them. They could live without each other but they were made for each other.

As the melody faded into silence, Cagalli could feel Athrun stepping away from her. Her hand shooting out to grasp his shirt, she pulled him closer to her before tangling her hands in his hair. Realizing what his girlfriend wanted of him, Athrun obliged, leaning down, his arms reaching around her, cradling her tenderly.

How would she describe Athrun Zala?

Their lips meeting in a tender gesture of affection, deepening into a passionate balm that sated her thirst and soothed her hurts, the hands on the small of her back supporting her, protecting her as her entire world zeroed in on a single word.

'Mine.'


End file.
